I am Alive

Wow, sorry but this has been an emotional and hard day for me today, so as I write this post I do apologise for my state of mind, as it is okay not being okay, if that means anything to you. Well lets start from the beginning shall we...

I had some dreams early morning and it have been these dreams that go progressively stranger as dreams go which has rocked my emotional world today. I am still shaking as I write this.

In the first dream, I found myself with some people by the sacred waters of the Venda people which is called Lake of Fundudzi. I have been there once before in 1987 many moons ago. I don't remember much of the lake but in my dream I was there again. It was dry, hardly any water. The people with me and myself started walking across the dry lake bed. I remember stopping and taking a photo with my cellphone to share later on the internet. As we got towards the other side, the people started wading through water. I didn't want to get wet so I decided to turn around and go back. On my way back, water started flowing back into the lake, so I hesitated. Should I run or wait till the rushing water calmed down? I decided to start moving through the rush of water for safety but as I was wading through the rushing water, I was eventually swept off my feet and found myself swimming for the bank. Thankfully I made it safely but was concerned about my wet phone.

Then came the next dream which somehow faded in. I think I was in Durban, a city from my past. We were finishing up some sort of show or something and I was in this small truck directing the route back home because I knew the city. In front was a much bigger horse and trailer truck. We came to these tunnels, now there are no tunnels for vehicles in Durban but in this dream there was 3 in each direction next to each other. The big truck in front of us got stuck and could not get through so had to turn around. I knew the way, either we go through one of these tunnels or drive across via another route which will take a bit longer. I was sure that our smaller truck would fit through but sadly we could not. A part of the entrance to the tunnel got damaged so while the person that was with me was negotiating with the tunnel authorities, I stood and watched from the side and this is when it all went down...

I felt a hand come round me on my right side. My wallet was in that pocket, thinking someone was trying to pickpocket me, I grabbed the hand and spun around. And I saw her, a woman with this big glowing smile on her familiar face, as she said in the voice that I instantly recognised, "I'm only messing with you". It was my late wife Carol. She looked different, the same yet different. Still not 100% sure I queried, "Carol?" And she replied, "Yes!" Stunned, I answered, "you are dead?" She answered me, "I am alive!" "But you are dead", I said for the second time and she replied the same "I am alive" and added "I told you that it would be alright." I then whipped out my cellphone and asked if I can take a photo. Trust me, this is what I do even in my dreams. Carol replied, "for your blog?", and I answered, "no for Matthew". While taking photos on my cellphone, I again noticed her broad smiling face. She looked so happy. Her hair was brown with silver necklaces around her neck, she never wore jewellery but Carol had a few around her neck. She wore this beautiful dress but it was her smile that caught my eye, her teeth was all fixed and she had this full smiling face. She looked so happy and beautiful.

I awoke suddenly, and just sat bewildered in bed, with emotions raging. What did just happen? The morning light was streaming through the blinds. I got up and walked through to the kitchen to make some coffee. While making the coffee I was thinking about these dreams. It was about 3 weeks ago that I sat in the car with Matthew, speaking to him about his mother, Carol, because Mother's Day was coming up and it would be his first Mother's Day without his mom. I remembered taking Matthew to the hospital on the last Mother's Day to visit his mom and then it dawned on me that it was nearly a year since she passed away. Not quite sure, I found myself sitting back in bed with my coffee, going through my blog to find out exactly when Carol past away and was blown away. It was today, this morning, 1 year ago to the date that Carol crossed over. And now this morning Carol decided to visit me in a dream to show me that she is home and is happy. 

I just sat in bed, emotionally blown away. Surely this was no residual memory. This was not a dream. Believe me I had to check my phone for the photos.