Chilly Sunset

As the sunset on this chilly winter's day, I was on the phone with my son Matthew, having a deep one on one conversation with him. At that moment all I wanted was to be with him and to hold him tight, never let go.

Earlier Matthew had phoned me, he was lying on his bunk in Res before lectures and was thinking about his mom who past away a few months back. He was missing her and he just wanted to talk to someone. My heart felt so heavy for him that throughout the entire afternoon after that conversation, I was thinking about him and sending every now and then short prayers up to heaven. 

My personality likes to build walls around myself to protect the me, and it becomes hard for anyone to breakthrough or clamber over the walls. When Carol died, I noticed Matthew putting up those same self walls that I used to build. My heart went out to him as I could not reach out to him. All I could do was stand next to him and support him in the best way I know, which I must confess isn't the best as I myself wasn't in a good place. Anyways with our earlier chat, I felt the cracks forming in the wall and I just wanted to be with him.

I phoned him as soon as I could after his lectures and supper. It was during this very sunset, with me out in the chilly dawn on the deck just craving his voice over the phone.

No matter what happens, I know it is going to be alright, Matthew and I. God has a plan, and we are playing a big part in it. It may be a chilly sunset now, it is going to be a hot future.